Blogging Not Just Because

Just so you know, I am not spending a lot of my time in WordPress for fame or money. Of course, one of my minor reasons was so I could start a portfolio for my future job applications. But as months went by without actually making worthwhile posts (I was constantly deleting them), I realized that that kind of cause wouldn’t motivate me to start something like this.

Twenty-four years of existence brought me a lot of pain, stress, anxiety, and sleep deprivation. I had been through a lot of familial, romantic, sexual, professional, and even existential problems that my life almost spiraled down to the point of suicide. Last September, I was diagnosed with recurrent depressive disorder, and I decided to go through the motions without medication (that Escitalopram stuff is scary!).

My lack of sleep had been a regular thing from college up until about March or April this year. I was so addicted to coffee, cigarettes, and energy drinks, just so I could survive the hustle and bustle of studying and working. I thought I could live this life until retirement or when I’m 65.

I was so damn wrong. Slowly and silently, my brain had crept behind my back. Well, it wasn’t doing bad to anyone. Well… anyone, except me. According to new studies, the brain would actually eat itself when you don’t sleep properly. Obviously, that would decrease your cognition, and I could actually feel it. The best description for how my brain works on a regular day? Watch the video below by Parasite John Paine:

Yep. That’s me now.

So why am I here? It’s because I want to return my brain back to normal. Just reading e-books and articles on the Internet aren’t cutting it. My mind keeps drifting off. It’s the same when I watch movies or series, especially if I’m not in the mood or if I haven’t taken my iron supplement yet. From the past year, I’ve been cutting down on coffee (from tons of coffee every day, to every other day or two), cigarettes( from a pack to two sticks a day), and energy drinks (almost nonexistent in my system) to condition myself for the long term. Personally, I feel proud of my improvement, but I shouldn’t stop there.

I have to write so I could push my mind more to think about things deeper than I usually do lately. I have to train my brain not to rely on unnecessary substances so we could function together like a decent human being. I MUST DO THIS. I CAN DO THIS.

In lieu of that, I will be reading more about sleep deprivation, and how I could bring my usual cognition and metacognition back. I will be posting some new information I learned about the concept soon!

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